25 October 2012

Get Ready for Hell... and Kettle Corn

I have this reoccurring nightmare whenever I get a cold.  I'm walking across an attic in an old Victorian house when a Vampire reaches up from under the floor boards, grabs my ankle and tries to pull me down.  I look down at my feet and I can see him between the cracks of the floor.  He looks like Richard Nixon, is fluorescent green instead of pale white and he's laughing while I scream my ass off.  Then I wake up.

That nightmare might well stem from a 1974 viewing of Jack Palance in a made for TV movie of Bram Stoker's, Dracula. (Trailer Here)  I've never been a fan of horror but I watched this alone and very late one night -- strictly as a fan of Palance.  It scared the shit outta me.  Or, I should say Palance scared the shit outta me. 38 years later, I'm thinking of suing for pain, suffering and loss of consortium.

Boxer, WWII B-24 pilot, sportswriter, painter and poet, Palance, who also scared the shit outta me as Jack Wilson in Shane, was always worth watching.  If, for no other reason than -- you never knew what he was gonna do. This early observation was later confirmed by a buddy who worked with Palance on Young Guns.  Still, I think that's an actor's penchant for being a little crazy to begin with.

When I was married and living in the suburbs, I liked to play scary music in the house and hand out full size Hershey bars or Reese's Cups.  FULL SIZE.  I may have been the poorest bastard in the neighborhood but I wasn't gonna let some seven year old know it. There's some nice howling going on in the first part of Dracula here.  If I wasn't living in NYC, I'd play this opening scene over and over while I handout popcorn to the kids.

That's right. I said popcorn. Or, should I say Kettle Corn.

I'm not talking about the handful of stale and unsalted popcorn - wrapped in saran wrap - from the little old lady who lived alone and on the fringes of the parent prescribed area of trick or treating.  I'm talking about kettle corn and I can't stop eating it.  Angie's sent over a 24 package bag, especially created for Halloween, and I hoovered the whole thing in a couple days. This stuff is cooked up in cured kettles (I see Macbeth's witches) with a little corn oil, sugar and sea salt resulting in a sweet - saltiness that I swear -- pairs nicely with red wine. Just don't tell the children.

Angie's Kettle Corn (where to find it) is gluten free (whatever), Kosher certified (I can dig that) and the 24 pack sells for $7.99 at selected Target stores.  The bags are only 0.5 ounces each so you may wanna give the kid a couple bags. I know I would if I still lived in the suburbs. Buy more than you need because you'll have no problem taking care of the surplus -  with, I suggest, a nice Pinot Noir, chilled in the fridge for just 10 minutes to give it that vampire cellar temp.

Finally, there's my favorite and often overlooked Dracula. Ian McKellen is looking like a cross between Richard Nixon and Ed Sullivan but he gets the girl -- from Neil Tennant -- Which is really strange now that I think about it. 


Ben said...

Re: Palance. I'm sure you're familiar with the consensus that his quick-draw was the quickest in Hollywood. Also, the claim (which Jack proved true) that he can do one-arm push ups. I forget where he did them, but I remember seeing it with my own eyes, and he must've been in his sixties by then.

tintin said...

Ben, He did 'em at the Oscars after accepting his first for best supporting actor. There's an amazing movie he did in the '60s that just ran on TCM, "Kill A Dragon." Amazingly bizarre but Palance is James Bond like character and the exteriors are mind blowing. Catch it if you can.

Kcaj said...

Spot on about the full sized bars and Angies k-corn. Currently residing in suburbia, I've seen soccer moms take their kiddos post game rations and more for themselves. As for a wine pairing, try Champagne with just popped standard p-corn; the warm temp, salt and butter work well with bubbles.

tintin said...

Kcaj- Thx for the pcorn tip. I need a lower calorie alternative to french fries and champagne.